Customers and Salesmen

Just to add to the crazy of experiences of men and the roaming gypsy: While in Turkey I was in one of the fake-brand sunglasses and leather purse stores. While looking at sunglasses, definitely accompanied, the salesperson follows me around and asks if I am married to the person I am with. Recognizing the sudden peril, not to mention that it is almost all but true, I quickly answered yes. The salesman mutters something to the extent that it is too bad and that he can tell I am unique. Pretty nice and complementary if I was early in my 20s and he was close to attractive and even being able to offer something interesting. The guy did not let up and eventually passed his phone number on a piece of paper folded and suggested that I SMS him even from outside the country. Upon telling Vladimer, he marched me out of the store without us buying what we were supposed to. About 5 minutes later he went back and threw the paper at the man.

The experience really was quite strange and rather audacious for a Turkish man. The oddest part was that there seemed to be no logic to his moves: probably going to be no sale if man finds out, at best being hit, and well potentially not impressing the woman either. As always, I try to take crazy events as a compliment and with many grains of salt...

Georgia and the lack of closets

Why are there no closets in Georgia? Who took them and why? Where are they hiding? Is there a room stacked full of closets hidden in the one closet in Georgia?

For a group of people so secretive and unwilling to discuss the past and their own little secrets from “Nana had a nose job”, “Soso has an iligitimate son”, “Tata is not a virgin anymore and had hymen reconstruction surgery”, “Zaza visits the prostitute in town each week” you would think that Georgia would be full of the largest and nicest of closets possible. However in each house you visit, you will find the most inappropriate of items in well, the most inappropriate of places. In my “dining room” there is a huge 7 tiered crystal chandelier which functions as my “closet” for the time being as the bedroom is too small and has no built-in closets and well no wall space available to even have a door open in there, as the bedroom is currently functioning as an office workspace as well, there is no place for clothes. There is a shelving unit which has boxes piled up on top, apparently there is a American coffee maker and a VCR on top of the bookshelf, in the bedroom. The two by two by 5 foot “office” blocks a cabinet which stores jams, preserves, glasses and large kitchen bowls. There is a heating unit next to the window inches from the bed but it cannot be turned on really as it might asphyxiate us, taking up more space. Did I mention the 6 foot tall ladder that hangs out next to the entrance to the bedroom?

In the dining room, there is indeed a dining room table but it is a clothing rack, as there is no space in the two small armoire closets filled with sheets and towels and old clothes of my mother-in-law of sorts that I have yet to see worn, resulting in the fact my clothes are dispersed throughout the room. Blocking the closets are some sort of heavy flat long wooden plank things that weigh about 10 kilos, which we suspect is a dresser, but that is so last year. What on earth would we need another dresser for when we have a dining table? You could perhaps sit down in the dining room, however you would have to fight with some of the other clothing that wouldn’t fit on the table and is folded on the chairs instead. If you are looking to get to some of the liquor and other items stored in the storage unit, you’ll have to wrestle with the table/closet, more boxes, ski boots, a vacuum cleaner and our suitcases which double sometimes as closets as there aren’t any and then try to open the units behind it. And I once asked why Georgians are lazy :) In addition to being a closet, the chandeliered dining room is a Dubai storage unit where you can find 70 cheese graters, countless thermoses, Teflon frying pans, mixers, unused suitcases, blankets, and well about at least 150 boxes in all. You don’t have to trust me, we could have a box-counting party under the chandelier on the floor. The boxes might be a new look for Gucci perhaps: “No need for wallpaper, cardboard, baby. It’s all the rage.” You could probably even market it to some of the brand whores here and write a little jingle about it.

The bathroom has an electric meter dating to communism times in case they return to try to collect past dues, a rag under the sink as it leaks, 4 buckets that I share the shower with and three 5 liter water bottles for just in case the water goes out. Just recently I noticed a large light bulb on a shelf in the shower. I’m wondering whether it works and if so why is it stored in a place where it might make it not work? On top of the washing machine is where I keep my make-up, shampoo and other toiletries. I forgot to mention, there is a broom, a large stick, and a lot of other old things covered in dust. The living room is in fact a second “bedroom”/living room, ironing room and domain of the refrigerator which doesn’t always refrigerate each level to the same degree of coldness. The ironing board stores folded clothes, keys and purses. There is also the same fashionable cardboard wallpaper in here. “Really, it is all the rage in Paris!” The kitchen has all the normal items, but that lots and lots of dishes are stored in the second oven as the first one doesn’t really work properly and well if you wanted to use the working one, there are potatoes and onions stored on top, as there is no other place. The cups are behind the bowls, which are on top of the plates (at least in a cabinet). The flour is in a pot underneath another pot and yet another. That bowl you are looking for is way in the top cabinet behind the delicate china, be careful not to break it, or your neck trying to get it!

I have complained in the past about items being user specific, that is a grater especially for nutmeg, or a plug that works just for one type of phone. After living in this cornucopia of multipurpose/all purpose everything, I will take happily embrace that specific item for specific purpose any day. At least in that world, I may have a closet to store them in.

As you can see the Georgians have either a slight organization problem or perhaps a lack of closets. It really might be a bit more rational, let’s say, to have all the kitchen equipment in, well, the kitchen. The dining room might be able to be used as a place for eating and entertaining if it wasn’t a closet/storehouse, etc. Let’s take other nations for example, the British people are indeed quite tight-lipped and also unwilling to talk about certain personal news issues which is for the most part understandable, however, they place their items in closets, neatly store them away and sometime hide the key. Georgians on the other hand well, just ignore the issues and the fact that while you are having a conversation and aperitif, a ladder and a vacuum cleaner are winking at you. Georgians, despite their reluctance to talk about these issues, will display them on the laundry line, around the house, and put it anywhere but the closet. In the U.S., when you have guests over, if you do not have time to clean up entirely before they come over, you throw everything into the closet. In Georgia, there doesn’t seem to be an issue with having your tea with an ironing board. Privacy seems to be something that is just understood. Dirty laundry is only dirty if you say it is dirty. So despite the fact tampons and other unwanted items hanging out exposed all over the bathroom, no one is talking about it. The closets are not truly missing from Georgia; it is once again mislabeled like everything else. No need to put all the items away, unnecessary work as it is the Georgian people themselves who are the closets hiding the secrets. I guess for those who actually “come out of the closet” it will be a metaphysical experience. Perhaps that could explain, why it is so infrequent…or perhaps it could be the men wielding bats chasing them away. They never really liked metaphysics either…just too logical.

The Zoo and Animals

Having walked by the zoo a countless number of times, I decided to check out as V and I more jadedly had been guessing if whether or not there were actually any animals. There indeed were many different types of animals. I suppose the strangest animal we viewed may have been the pigeons that were being kept with all the other types of geese, flamingos, etc. There was a solitary ostrich that looked like it had just lost its mother, husband or other loved one. It was so genuinely sad, the impulsive humanitarian in me wanted to set it free. V convinced me an ostrich running around the ex-Soviet zoo might get itself shot so we reconsidered that notion. There were some very playful camels that frolicked on over to the cage door in their area. Some of their humps flopped back and forth as they ran. Later I saw one fervently licking the pavement and bars making a white gooey mess leading me to think perhaps it somehow quenched his thirst this way. A girl fed him part of an ice cream cone shortly after. In Spanish there is an expression “estar como una cabra”, meaning to be like a goat, otherwise referred to as crazy, which could be proof that the Spanish perhaps originated from the Georgian Iberia. V had the good humor and audacity to suggest that the Basques and Georgians were of course friends and then the Basques taught Spanish to the Spaniards as the Basques had a better language. A bit of Georgian logic and humor, but more seriously, I believe those Spanish goats must have been good friends with the Georgian ones with their long wrap around horn sets that they adore banging into anything really. You never should get on the bad side of a goat. The mountain goats in Georgia like to climb up on to VERY high cliffs or cliff substitutes that they construct for zoos.

Anyway, in addition to observing zoo animal behavior, the zoo itself is a wonderful place to observe the behavior patterns of the other animal species, the Georgians themselves. Before you judge that last statement, maybe you should listen further to my argument, oh great reader. Within 20 minutes I saw, men almost beating their children, then spitting at a zebra, kids throwing pine cones at a monkey, more men chain smoking in front of their kids at a zoo, a pregnant women light up a cigarette with smoke billowing on to her born child on her left and the icing on the cake: a group of power housewives attempting to control everything for their kids, all equipped with cigarettes in hand blowing smoke into the faces of their 2-4 year old children. Let me further describe the scene: This young woman, in her mid 20’s perhaps, stylishly dressed, with a very fancy video recorder shouting at her kid on amusement park rides to look at her and smile, carting them back and forth between rides. They take a break and decide to berate the small kiosk staff for delaying more than 30 seconds in preparing iced Nescafe for them. When I look over at them, all three have lit cigarettes in hand in front of the three kids who are inhaling every bit of smoke, as they are making no effort to blow it elsewhere. It is almost like, well, they do not care about the kids, which is a bit strange considering that they were putting on quite a show like they did. In the US, you may think, well it is the nanny and we should report to the parents about this behavior. No nannies here! They were definitely the moms, which is why this behavior was so very odd indeed. With looks of dismay, it only got more absurd. I turn around and see one of the women shove the kid next to the tree where they are sitting, pull down his trousers and take out his penis. She proceeds to shout at the kid, her friends while holding her coffee with one hand and his wee wee and lit cigarette with the other, as smoke was billowing up over his nose and face. I was not too sure which to be more afraid of. The fact that the woman was abusing this poor kid in violently making him pee in an outdoor café, the cigarette she couldn’t put down to do this strange act, or that she repeated it with another kid, this time a girl right after. For the girl, she held the kid in a lifted squat position with her bottom out for all to see while she screamed that she didn’t want to go pee. This is slightly odd behavior in a land where children are allegedly revered. It is strange that reverence is not equivalent to concern for health and future. Another frequent and disturbing scene around Tbilisi are mothers holding their kids on their laps in the front seat of a car without a seat belt. I’m wondering if perhaps no one ever sat them down and said, “Well, darling, it is a bit dangerous to put the kid in the front seat with you. Maybe you should sit in the back?”