The Color of Salad

Georgian salads: Although the type and ingredients vary around the world, salad is generally agreed upon to be one thing: leafy green vegetables. In overhearing a phone conversation this evening I found that the color of salad is indeed variable. The juicer that Vladimer's mother is trying to sell is "salad green". At first it sounds vaguely poetic and normal, considering that orange is called, "carrot color". As orange is a fruit as well which is not native to Georgia, that sounds rational. After you realize that there is a word for green in Georgian, you start to wonder, just what color is salad?

Salad color is considered to be a pastel or milky green color. You begin to ask yourself, how do they get their lettuce to be that color, until you realize the Georgian form of salad is innately connected to mayonnaise. It is perhaps one of the naughty aftermath of the Russian influence in the Soviet Union: dousing every healthy vegetable in mayonnaise. A couple of years ago, vinegar and olive oil with salads were veeeerrrry strange, now it is almost acceptable in modern settings. Traditional restaurants will do a tomato and cucumber salad with European dressing but with the Georgian walnut sauce mixture with it: a nice cosmopolitan twist.

Oh Jehovah...

Every now and again, your otherwise Groundhog day taxi conversation seems to take a strange curve ball and go into new uncharted territory. That would easily describe my taxi ride from today. Conversations usually start with: "Your Georgian is quite good", "Are you married?", "Do you have children?", "How long have you been in Georgia for?", "Do you like it?", "Why did you come here?", "Didn't you know America is better?" etc.

However, you know your Georgian is getting better when a taxi driver tries to pass along Jehovah's Witness books to me passed from the glove compartment.


Originally the conversation stemmed from what I am teaching at the university and other topics, which I have passive understanding of but it is more difficult to speak about. Finally he branched into yet another topic, religion... He mentioned that he is a Jehovah's witness. I tried to ask what the difference between that and the orthodox faith is and understood enough to know that it sounds similar. He has been one for 15 years. For those outside of Georgia, this topic is the one where Georgians are extremely intolerant, have beaten people trying to convert others to be Jehovahs Witness, denied passports as they have the "wrong" religion etc. In other words, it is quite a hot topic. The man asked me if I could read in Georgian, which is completely unlike Russian if you are catching this blog later on. I answered, "Slowly, but yes." I was thinking he was still evaluating and being impressed with the foreigners language skills but then tries to pawn off religious paraphernalia on me. I escape by saying that I have 2 pamphlets at home from a colleague of his which I did legitimately receive a month prior. I also mentioned that I was a bit Buddhist. I has left these brochures earlier on my desk at the university briefly and got a mouthful from some of my students. I had taken them being curious about religious propaganda and whom it was from. It was the Jehovahs...

Customers and Salesmen

Just to add to the crazy of experiences of men and the roaming gypsy: While in Turkey I was in one of the fake-brand sunglasses and leather purse stores. While looking at sunglasses, definitely accompanied, the salesperson follows me around and asks if I am married to the person I am with. Recognizing the sudden peril, not to mention that it is almost all but true, I quickly answered yes. The salesman mutters something to the extent that it is too bad and that he can tell I am unique. Pretty nice and complementary if I was early in my 20s and he was close to attractive and even being able to offer something interesting. The guy did not let up and eventually passed his phone number on a piece of paper folded and suggested that I SMS him even from outside the country. Upon telling Vladimer, he marched me out of the store without us buying what we were supposed to. About 5 minutes later he went back and threw the paper at the man.

The experience really was quite strange and rather audacious for a Turkish man. The oddest part was that there seemed to be no logic to his moves: probably going to be no sale if man finds out, at best being hit, and well potentially not impressing the woman either. As always, I try to take crazy events as a compliment and with many grains of salt...

Georgia and the lack of closets

Why are there no closets in Georgia? Who took them and why? Where are they hiding? Is there a room stacked full of closets hidden in the one closet in Georgia?

For a group of people so secretive and unwilling to discuss the past and their own little secrets from “Nana had a nose job”, “Soso has an iligitimate son”, “Tata is not a virgin anymore and had hymen reconstruction surgery”, “Zaza visits the prostitute in town each week” you would think that Georgia would be full of the largest and nicest of closets possible. However in each house you visit, you will find the most inappropriate of items in well, the most inappropriate of places. In my “dining room” there is a huge 7 tiered crystal chandelier which functions as my “closet” for the time being as the bedroom is too small and has no built-in closets and well no wall space available to even have a door open in there, as the bedroom is currently functioning as an office workspace as well, there is no place for clothes. There is a shelving unit which has boxes piled up on top, apparently there is a American coffee maker and a VCR on top of the bookshelf, in the bedroom. The two by two by 5 foot “office” blocks a cabinet which stores jams, preserves, glasses and large kitchen bowls. There is a heating unit next to the window inches from the bed but it cannot be turned on really as it might asphyxiate us, taking up more space. Did I mention the 6 foot tall ladder that hangs out next to the entrance to the bedroom?

In the dining room, there is indeed a dining room table but it is a clothing rack, as there is no space in the two small armoire closets filled with sheets and towels and old clothes of my mother-in-law of sorts that I have yet to see worn, resulting in the fact my clothes are dispersed throughout the room. Blocking the closets are some sort of heavy flat long wooden plank things that weigh about 10 kilos, which we suspect is a dresser, but that is so last year. What on earth would we need another dresser for when we have a dining table? You could perhaps sit down in the dining room, however you would have to fight with some of the other clothing that wouldn’t fit on the table and is folded on the chairs instead. If you are looking to get to some of the liquor and other items stored in the storage unit, you’ll have to wrestle with the table/closet, more boxes, ski boots, a vacuum cleaner and our suitcases which double sometimes as closets as there aren’t any and then try to open the units behind it. And I once asked why Georgians are lazy :) In addition to being a closet, the chandeliered dining room is a Dubai storage unit where you can find 70 cheese graters, countless thermoses, Teflon frying pans, mixers, unused suitcases, blankets, and well about at least 150 boxes in all. You don’t have to trust me, we could have a box-counting party under the chandelier on the floor. The boxes might be a new look for Gucci perhaps: “No need for wallpaper, cardboard, baby. It’s all the rage.” You could probably even market it to some of the brand whores here and write a little jingle about it.

The bathroom has an electric meter dating to communism times in case they return to try to collect past dues, a rag under the sink as it leaks, 4 buckets that I share the shower with and three 5 liter water bottles for just in case the water goes out. Just recently I noticed a large light bulb on a shelf in the shower. I’m wondering whether it works and if so why is it stored in a place where it might make it not work? On top of the washing machine is where I keep my make-up, shampoo and other toiletries. I forgot to mention, there is a broom, a large stick, and a lot of other old things covered in dust. The living room is in fact a second “bedroom”/living room, ironing room and domain of the refrigerator which doesn’t always refrigerate each level to the same degree of coldness. The ironing board stores folded clothes, keys and purses. There is also the same fashionable cardboard wallpaper in here. “Really, it is all the rage in Paris!” The kitchen has all the normal items, but that lots and lots of dishes are stored in the second oven as the first one doesn’t really work properly and well if you wanted to use the working one, there are potatoes and onions stored on top, as there is no other place. The cups are behind the bowls, which are on top of the plates (at least in a cabinet). The flour is in a pot underneath another pot and yet another. That bowl you are looking for is way in the top cabinet behind the delicate china, be careful not to break it, or your neck trying to get it!

I have complained in the past about items being user specific, that is a grater especially for nutmeg, or a plug that works just for one type of phone. After living in this cornucopia of multipurpose/all purpose everything, I will take happily embrace that specific item for specific purpose any day. At least in that world, I may have a closet to store them in.

As you can see the Georgians have either a slight organization problem or perhaps a lack of closets. It really might be a bit more rational, let’s say, to have all the kitchen equipment in, well, the kitchen. The dining room might be able to be used as a place for eating and entertaining if it wasn’t a closet/storehouse, etc. Let’s take other nations for example, the British people are indeed quite tight-lipped and also unwilling to talk about certain personal news issues which is for the most part understandable, however, they place their items in closets, neatly store them away and sometime hide the key. Georgians on the other hand well, just ignore the issues and the fact that while you are having a conversation and aperitif, a ladder and a vacuum cleaner are winking at you. Georgians, despite their reluctance to talk about these issues, will display them on the laundry line, around the house, and put it anywhere but the closet. In the U.S., when you have guests over, if you do not have time to clean up entirely before they come over, you throw everything into the closet. In Georgia, there doesn’t seem to be an issue with having your tea with an ironing board. Privacy seems to be something that is just understood. Dirty laundry is only dirty if you say it is dirty. So despite the fact tampons and other unwanted items hanging out exposed all over the bathroom, no one is talking about it. The closets are not truly missing from Georgia; it is once again mislabeled like everything else. No need to put all the items away, unnecessary work as it is the Georgian people themselves who are the closets hiding the secrets. I guess for those who actually “come out of the closet” it will be a metaphysical experience. Perhaps that could explain, why it is so infrequent…or perhaps it could be the men wielding bats chasing them away. They never really liked metaphysics either…just too logical.

The Zoo and Animals

Having walked by the zoo a countless number of times, I decided to check out as V and I more jadedly had been guessing if whether or not there were actually any animals. There indeed were many different types of animals. I suppose the strangest animal we viewed may have been the pigeons that were being kept with all the other types of geese, flamingos, etc. There was a solitary ostrich that looked like it had just lost its mother, husband or other loved one. It was so genuinely sad, the impulsive humanitarian in me wanted to set it free. V convinced me an ostrich running around the ex-Soviet zoo might get itself shot so we reconsidered that notion. There were some very playful camels that frolicked on over to the cage door in their area. Some of their humps flopped back and forth as they ran. Later I saw one fervently licking the pavement and bars making a white gooey mess leading me to think perhaps it somehow quenched his thirst this way. A girl fed him part of an ice cream cone shortly after. In Spanish there is an expression “estar como una cabra”, meaning to be like a goat, otherwise referred to as crazy, which could be proof that the Spanish perhaps originated from the Georgian Iberia. V had the good humor and audacity to suggest that the Basques and Georgians were of course friends and then the Basques taught Spanish to the Spaniards as the Basques had a better language. A bit of Georgian logic and humor, but more seriously, I believe those Spanish goats must have been good friends with the Georgian ones with their long wrap around horn sets that they adore banging into anything really. You never should get on the bad side of a goat. The mountain goats in Georgia like to climb up on to VERY high cliffs or cliff substitutes that they construct for zoos.

Anyway, in addition to observing zoo animal behavior, the zoo itself is a wonderful place to observe the behavior patterns of the other animal species, the Georgians themselves. Before you judge that last statement, maybe you should listen further to my argument, oh great reader. Within 20 minutes I saw, men almost beating their children, then spitting at a zebra, kids throwing pine cones at a monkey, more men chain smoking in front of their kids at a zoo, a pregnant women light up a cigarette with smoke billowing on to her born child on her left and the icing on the cake: a group of power housewives attempting to control everything for their kids, all equipped with cigarettes in hand blowing smoke into the faces of their 2-4 year old children. Let me further describe the scene: This young woman, in her mid 20’s perhaps, stylishly dressed, with a very fancy video recorder shouting at her kid on amusement park rides to look at her and smile, carting them back and forth between rides. They take a break and decide to berate the small kiosk staff for delaying more than 30 seconds in preparing iced Nescafe for them. When I look over at them, all three have lit cigarettes in hand in front of the three kids who are inhaling every bit of smoke, as they are making no effort to blow it elsewhere. It is almost like, well, they do not care about the kids, which is a bit strange considering that they were putting on quite a show like they did. In the US, you may think, well it is the nanny and we should report to the parents about this behavior. No nannies here! They were definitely the moms, which is why this behavior was so very odd indeed. With looks of dismay, it only got more absurd. I turn around and see one of the women shove the kid next to the tree where they are sitting, pull down his trousers and take out his penis. She proceeds to shout at the kid, her friends while holding her coffee with one hand and his wee wee and lit cigarette with the other, as smoke was billowing up over his nose and face. I was not too sure which to be more afraid of. The fact that the woman was abusing this poor kid in violently making him pee in an outdoor café, the cigarette she couldn’t put down to do this strange act, or that she repeated it with another kid, this time a girl right after. For the girl, she held the kid in a lifted squat position with her bottom out for all to see while she screamed that she didn’t want to go pee. This is slightly odd behavior in a land where children are allegedly revered. It is strange that reverence is not equivalent to concern for health and future. Another frequent and disturbing scene around Tbilisi are mothers holding their kids on their laps in the front seat of a car without a seat belt. I’m wondering if perhaps no one ever sat them down and said, “Well, darling, it is a bit dangerous to put the kid in the front seat with you. Maybe you should sit in the back?”

Can you give me some money

After leaving the English language cinema this evening, we happened across the usual old woman speaking in badly pronounced English for money. What was more surprising was the young dark-skinned boy passing around a piece of paper. When I looked, it said:

ქენ იუ გივ მი სამ მანი

which transcribes to can you give me some money. However, instead of learning the phonetically transcribed phrase. The boy, who I believe was a street child was just passing it around.

The phrase reminded me of how I was feeling a month ago learning Georgian and seeing in my head English words written in Georgian letters.

The Power of the Nose: Georgian speaking patterns

I have noticed over time you are able to recognize and be aware of more things. Just yesterday, I realized that most of the Georgian nation projects voice through their nasal cavities. After mentioning this to some Georgians, they could not see this as true until we watched a newscast together where it literally sounded like the guy has a cold. I am trying to figure out if it is a linguistic thing, e.g. it is easier to pronounce the guttural Georgian sounds through the nose for some reason or perhaps it is an air quality issue and it is a Darwinist survival method. Not sure yet, just know that it is quite unique. Georgians when speaking English do not, from what I have seen, speak from the nose but I need to observe a bit more.

They say that you adapt different tones, speaking patterns and qualities in other languages, perhaps this is just one of those cases.

Politically correct newscasts

I just was looking at the newscasts in Georgia on the state channel and to my surprise I saw a person doing sign language down in the corner of the television. Granted, it is tiny and a bit like the health warnings on cigarettes but at the very least they are providing for deaf viewers. I was told that during the day they do newscasts in Armenian and the Ossetian language for minorities within Georgia as well. There are still no handicap ramps anywhere for babystrollers or wheelchairs but slowly Georgia is showing itself to be a little more accomodating.

Philip Morris receives EU farm subsidies?

A bit dated but still relevant and sad, in addition to other multinational corporations taking money away from local farmers in developing countries by receiving farm subsidies, Philip Morris is receiving tax breaks for using sugar, which makes it easier for new smokers such as women and children to inhale them. For more on the EU, corporations and subsidies click here.


From the Sunday Express, 29/1/06
Philip Morris benefiting from EU subsidies

Tobacco giant Philip Morris is pocketing millions of pounds in taxpayers' cash under Europe's Common Agricultural Policy, reports the Sunday Express. Philip Morris gets £4.4 million a year in farm subsidies because it uses sugar products in its cigarettes. Philip Morris is just one of a long list of multinational companies which benefit under the EU's controversial farm policy.

The EU spent £30 billion on the CAP in 2004 - more than 40% of the whole EU budget with billions going to support the sugar industry. The policy guarantees artificially high prices to EU sugar producers. When multi-national manufacturers export sugar or processed goods using sugar, they are entitled to refunds on the difference between the EU price they have to pay and the lower world market price.

Osama in Tbilisi?

oil flooding

I am convinced they are looking for Osama bin Laden or perhaps oil on our street in Tbilisi. They have been drilling for awhile and keep moving this oil tanker tower down the street with the asthmatic cranes and trucks which make my lungs shudder. In one of the slightly monsoon-like rains which have been hitting the city, you see the gutters spiling water on to the construction.

They are attempting to put these pillars in the ground to stabilize the earth so that when they dig, the buildings are not affected. When the stores in front of our house expanded, they did not put foundation under the added portions of the stores and now with the drilling to fix the water pipes which were posted in March, the metal shutters will not close anymore provoking the owners to complain and get the city out here to "dig for oil" or pretend that they are fixing the situation. That is what they are really doing with the oil rigs. Please feel free to let me know if you think this fortification will work. I am not convinced having been brought up in an architectural/engineering family.

Rice for sale!

Stocking up with grains

Vitamin Cigarettes? O mon dieu!

I was looking at my news websites and came across this. I have heard of adding sugar to cigarettes to make it easier to inhale for women and children but this borders on the absurd, adding vitamins to cigarettes.


Canadian creates cigarette with vitamin C - From CTV.ca

April 21, 2006

The

The 'VitaCig' was invented by non-smoker Roger Ouellette for his wife.
CTV.ca News Staff

Called the "VitaCig," it was invented by non-smoker Roger Ouellette for his wife, who has smoked a pack of cigarettes every day since the age of 14.

"We give you all the vitamins you lose, plus some vitamins to help you," he told CTV News.

Health Canada is skeptical of the claim, saying any cigarette is harmful.

"I say this half-jokingly: a safe cigarette is one that's not lit," Health Canada spokesperson Mathew Cook said.

Cook added that Health Canada has heard of similar products before, but that this particular brand only recently appeared on the Canadian market.

Because such products still contain tobacco, Health Canada said it falls under the Tobacco Act and should be regulated the same way as any other cigarette.

Although Health Canada has not tested the VitaCig, Cook said that such products are no less harmful than any regular brand.

"We do tests right now, analysis on the tobacco products, on cigarettes, and what we do is measure the toxic emissions," he said.

"We have no evidence that these products are any different at this point."

He also warned against any claims stating the VitaCig brand is healthy, saying "there's a law against making misleading claims about a product."

Quebecers will be able to try the new cigarettes for themselves at one of 2,000 stores across the province, and it could soon reach more locations outside the province.

Smoker Heidi Miller tried the VitaCig and said it does have less of an odour than her regular brand, although she was highly skeptical of the added ingredients.

"I don't think any cigarette can be healthy for you, and I'm a smoker," she said. "No, I wouldn't smoke for health reasons."

Meanwhile, Oullete's wife is pleased with her husband's product.

"I am happy, because I don't have to quit any more," Gisele Tremblay said.

With a report by CTV's Genevieve Beauchemin in Montreal

Video link:

CTV News: Genevieve Beauchemin from Montreal 1:43
http://www.ctv.ca/...=

Related French-language coverage:

Une cigarette... vitaminée - La Presse
http://www.cyberpresse.ca/

Bathroom update

Outhouse with LED light

After going on a quest to see some of the famous monasteries of the Kakheti region in Georgia and the road being impassable with our minivan and the mud on the "highway" going to the area, we went to a lesser known monastery with a better road. At some point, I went to find the toilet that the monks use and to my surprise they had an innovative set up for sanitation and electricity. The little Pepsi bottle cap you see is in fact a LED light with a switch that runs through the other outhouse stall and to some form of electricity source. The bathtub/faucet for washing your hands (not sure if the water was from a well or a overhead container but there was running water) was set up to drain off through a tube which in turn would flush the toilet. This is an excellent example of how to prevent waste of resources but have sanitation of sorts.

Freestyling and High Dives

My mother always claimed I could be an Olympic swimmer and perhaps that could or could have been true, just not really an aim of mine, but I feel the men of Georgia would probably have to agree with. I am a pretty strong swimmer for US standards, having raced but with the trademark of swimming usually 1000 meters or 1Km without stopping which usually blows most people away in the US and here, well quite unheard of. I am actually beginning to think that most girls work out on the machines to watch television and I am not over-exaggerating. Half the women barely break a sweat and the men seem to want to sweat up a storm wearing track suits and as much clothes as they can muster to wiggle off their khachapuri (Georgian cheese bread) and beer filled tummies. The women, on the other hand could almost qualify for needing humanitarian assistance in a lot of cases as they are so very thin. Even in the classic, Ali and Nino, the Azerbaijani, Ali complained about how thin the Georgian women are.

With all of this in mind, Enter Center-Stage: American girl, definitely not super thin, dressed in an unusual attire of racing swimsuit, swim cap (why heavens, what for?) and goggles (even more unusual for women here). The normal swim outfit would be bikini or perhaps one-piece that is fashionable but could possibly not be indecent while swimming, definitely no goggles and perhaps a swim cap, but then again, what for? The normal custom is to do breaststroke with head above water, slowly for relaxing after exercise. If it hasn't been made evident, I swim with the specific purpose of exercising which seems to surprise and amuse a lot of the men here. As I begin swimming freestyle quickly one day. I notice that a man pushes off the wall around the same time as me trying to race me, I presume. Within a couple of strokes, I have passed him. Several of his friends attempt as well, which begins to be a source of entertainment in my swimming meditation. 10 minutes pass and more men seem to be congregating in the lane where I am swimming, blocking the passage for me to do flipturns, which was a big mistake on their behalf as I go pretty fast to the wall then flutter some water as my feet hit the wall. I was beginning to think they were amused by the fact someone, be it more so a woman, is going fast and doing flip turns in the pool. I am surprised they didn't take photos. Although some men started passing comments according to a friend who apparently viewed the incident, complaining about women going faster than the men.

They are quite reckless at the pool with the high dives allowing kids and adults to go off the platforms up to at least 10 meters while the lane dividers are in the pool as well as people swimming below. I've developed a slight complex thinking about some man plummeting on top of me while doing one of my sprints. This is not to mention what would happen to the poor soul that lands between his legs on the lane lines. This is only one of the many examples of serious recklessness in Georgia.

Customer Service in the US

With the 24 hour customer service lines streamlining efficiency through the use of computer answered calls which almost always have you screaming "NO! CUSTOMER SERVICE!" You may find this website useful. I have often avoided going through the computer because most of the time when you type in your account information it doesn't seem to pass it along, making me wonder, Why?

Here is a link from Paul English of Kayak.com as found from Real Tech News

How to Bypass Most Phone Menus and Get to a Live Operator
April 24, 2006


Here are the secret numbers and tips to bypass 108 IVR phone menus to get to a human.


American Express 800-528-4800 0
ATT Universal 800-950-5114 ###
Bank of America 800-900-9000 1 loan; 2 account; 3 investing; 4 info; or 00 to human
Bank One 877-226-5663 0,0
Capital One Visa 800-867-0904 ignore prompts and invalid entry warnings; press #0 four times
Charles Schwab 800-435-9050 3 then 0
Chase 800-CHASE24 5 pause 1 4